


Eat a Dick (Preferably Mine)

by Crematosis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Comfortably Bisexual Dean Winchester, DestielFFPrompt (Supernatural), Gummy Dicks, Idiots in Love, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester is So Done, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crematosis/pseuds/Crematosis
Summary: Sam loves his brother and wants the best for him, but he could really go without hearing about Dean's sex life, thank you very much
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 139
Collections: SPN TFW Bingo





	Eat a Dick (Preferably Mine)

**Author's Note:**

> This fulfills the Free Space square for SPN TFW Bingo.
> 
> From a prompt from the Destiel Port Facebook group
> 
> Although this is a high school setting, both Cas and Dean are 18. No underage sex here

Sam leaned against his locker and checked his watch for the fifth time. Dean had promised to meet him at his locker right after school, but the bell had rung twenty minutes ago and there was still no sign of him.

He really didn’t want to have to take the bus, but he had a lot of homework and he couldn’t wait around forever.

Thankfully, Dean rushed up a minute later. “Sorry, Sammy,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I ran into Cas in the hallway.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

Of course.

Dean was a bisexual disaster on his best days so Sam was used to him finding everyone attractive, even people who were total assholes. But his obsession with Castiel was ridiculous.

The Winchester family had moved to the town of New Haven in late January. John’s job required frequent moves so both teens were pretty used to ending up in a new school halfway through the year. It made it difficult to make friends or form relationships, but that had never stopped Dean from trying.

But when they got to New Haven, Dean was still pissed about having to leave Lisa, his latest girlfriend, behind and he hadn’t been looking for friends. He just wanted to push everyone away and keep people at arm’s length. Castiel had been assigned as Dean’s student guide to help him adjust to the new school. But Dean being Dean, had within a week pissed Castiel off enough that the two of them had ended up in a giant fight and both of them had landed in detention with numerous scrapes and bruises.

Dean had never told Sam what the fight was about so it was probably over something stupid and trivial that gotten blown out of proportion.

But Dean must have gotten hit in the head a little too hard and suffered some kind of brain injury because he had suddenly decided he was in love with Castiel. 

It was always Cas this and Cas that.

Call Sam crazy, but he didn’t consider getting his ass kicked foreplay. 

Dean ruffled Sam’s hair. “So how were classes, Sammy? Not that you really need them. You probably know everything already, don’t you, smartypants?”

Sam huffed and shoved Dean’s hand away. “First of all, it’s Sam. Second of all, I have a really big project due next week and I don’t appreciate you wasting time making out with Castiel instead of getting me home on time.”

“I was not,” Dean insisted. “We’re not dating or anything.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“I’m serious, Sam. He doesn’t even like me.”

“But you like him.”

“Of course! What’s not to like? He’s smart, he’s athletic, and he’s a nice guy. I mean, you’re never going to need help, but he tutors any freshman that needs it after class.”

“And don’t forget his dreamy blue eyes.” Sam fluttered his eyelashes. “You go on and on about how blue they are. ‘Oh, Sammy, they’re like two pools of deep blue water. I could drown myself in them.’”

Dean reddened. “Shut up, bitch. I never said that.”

“You were thinking it.”

Dean elbowed him hard in the side. “You keep that up and I’m ditching you here. You’ll have to walk home.”

Sam rolled his eyes. It was an idle threat. Dean might be annoyed, but he was never going to leave him behind.

Dean kept the volume on the radio turned up the entire drive home, as if he was afraid Sam would continue teasing him. Sam was definitely planning on it, but he was going to wait until Dean let his guard down.

“Okay, Dad left us a note on the fridge that we’re responsible for dinner tonight.” Dean rubbed his hands together. “I’m thinking pork chops and garlic mashed potatoes. Give me a hand with the potatoes, Sammy. We gotta hurry to get this done.”

Even though it was Dean’s fault that they were late getting home and had to really scramble to get dinner ready in time, Sam pitched in to help and between the two of them, they managed to finish making dinner shortly before their father was due home. Sam was just setting the the last plate on the table when the key turned in the lock

John sniffed the air and peered into the kitchen. “Looks good, boys. Wash up and take a seat. I’m starving.”

Sam ate his dinner quickly and then pushed his plate aside. “May I be excused? I have a lot of homework tonight.”

“Not yet.” John eyed Sam. “I hear you’re struggling in your biology class.”

Sam hunched his shoulders. “I’m not struggling. I just don’t like the idea of dissecting frogs.”

“You’ll get over that squeamishness soon enough,” John said, decisively cutting into his pork chop. “You’re too smart to let something as stupid as a dead frog get in your way.”

Dean snorted into his mashed potatoes.

“And you,” John said, turning his attention to Dean. “You’re passing all your classes, aren’t you?”

Dean straightened in his seat. “Yes, sir.”

“I don’t want to hear anything about you slacking off. If your grades start slipping, you won’t get to graduate. And high school dropouts have no future. Don’t plan on living here the rest of your life if you don’t get your diploma.”

“Not going to happen,” Dean assured him. “I’m right on track to graduate.”

“And don’t be wasting your time on women. You don’t have time for distractions.”

Dean’s jaw set. “Won’t be a problem, sir.”

John nodded and took another bite of his pork. “You’re free to go, boys. Work quick, Sam. Dean will probably need your help with his homework after.”

Dean’s face was dark as he tossed his plate in the sink and stormed down the hall to his room.

Sam didn’t have the heart to tease him anymore.

___________________________

Dean was pretty subdued the rest of the week, like he usually was after John ripped into him. Unfortunately, Sam had seen that all too often. It really wasn’t fair that John both seemed to demand more out of Dean and acted like he was never capable of anything.

And of course, Dean didn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t want Sam speaking up on his behalf. The last time Sam had pointed out John’s obvious favoritism, John had just laughed and mocked Dean the rest of the day for needing his little brother to fight his battles. And Dean had gotten mad at Sam, not John. It was a little sad. Even after all the shit John put him through, Dean still cared about his opinion.

Sam didn’t like it when Dean was quiet. He wasn’t Dean if he wasn’t loud, obnoxious, and ridiculous all the time. Sam even found himself missing Dean waxing poetic about Castiel’s messy hair and gummy smile.

But it was finally Friday and John was going to be away on a business trip all weekend so Dean would have a chance to be himself again. On weekends without John, Dean liked to bake. He had a big book of pie recipes hidden in his room and he was working his way through the book. John had made an off-hand comment about how it was such a shame Dean spent more time working on pie recipes than on his homework so Dean only baked in secret now like it was something he should be ashamed of. And that was pretty fucked up. Their family never would have survived without Dean’s cooking. Why should baking be something to scoff at?

Oh well. It meant more pie for Sam.

But it also meant he had to rush to get out of his last class. Heaven help him if he came between Dean and pie. He was the first one out of his seat as soon as the bell rang, rushing up to the front to grab the geography homework sheet from the front table and shoving his way out the door ahead of the crowd.

“Take care, Sam,” Mrs. Jones called after him. “Have a good weekend.”

“You too,” Sam said over his shoulder.

“Sam? Sam Winchester?”

Sam turned around and blinked at the dark-haired senior standing in front of him. “Can I help you?”

“Hello, Sam. My name is Castiel.”

Ah, so this was Castiel. The tall, dark and handsome Dean was always going on about. His eyes were definitely his most striking feature. He would give Dean that much.

Sam nodded. “I know who you are.”

“Good.” Castiel thrust a small brown bag into Sam’s hands. “Give this to your brother,” he growled.

“Why can’t you give it to him yourself?”

“That’s not of import,” Castiel said. “Just make sure he gets it.” He waked away briskly.

Huh. That was weird.

Dean would have told him if any of his teachers had paired him and Castiel for a project. He wouldn’t have been able to keep that kind of news to himself.

By the time Sam reached his locker, Dean was already there.

“What took you so long?” he grumbled.

“Oh, I just ran into someone in the hallway,” Sam said, trying for a casual tone.

Dean huffed and stalked off towards the parking lot.

Sam frowned. Dean really was in a mood if he didn’t bother teasing him and trying to figure out who it was.

Sam plopped down into the passenger’s seat. “So, run into Castiel at all today?”

“No. You heard, Dad.” Dean’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Gotta keep my head down and keep my grades up.”

It was just what Sam had been afraid of. Dean was punishing himself by giving up his favorite eye candy.

“That’s a shame. It looks like he missed you.” Sam held up the paper bag in Dean’s line of vision.

Dean brightened. “Cas got me a present? Hell yes. I knew my charm would work on him eventually.”

“So, you guys are dating now?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous. He’s way out of my league. Best I can do is get him to not glare every time he looks at me.”

“Geez, your standards are low.”

“Whatever, Sammy. He say what’s in that bag?”

“Nope. You want me to open it now or do you want to wait until we get home to do it yourself?”

“Now, obviously,” Dean said. He practically wiggled in his seat with excitement.

Sam began to open the paper bag and stopped when he saw the envelope bearing Dean’s name stapled to the side.

“I think Cas got you a card too.”

“Oh good. Maybe it’s an apology card for the time he beat me up. Read it for me.”

Sam pulled the card out of the envelope. 

“Hey, Dickhead,” the front of the card proclaimed in big bold letters.

Sam sighed. “What did you do to piss Castiel off this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Dean. I don’t want see you all beaten up again. And Dad’s not going to be thrilled either.”

“I didn’t do a damn thing, Sam. I even stopped flirting with him.” Dean winced. “I mean…”

“Don’t let Dad get in your head so much. Having a boyfriend isn’t going to make you fail your classes. And Castiel is smart. If anything, he’ll rub off on you and your work will get better.”

“But he apparently still hates me,” Dean said with a weary sigh. “And I’ve been nothing but friendly ever since. I guess that saying about first impressions is pretty true.”

Sam flipped the card open. “It says ‘Eat a bag of dicks. Sincerely, Castiel.’ What the hell?” Talk about mixed messages.

Dean’s face split into a wide smile. “I might have a chance after all. He’s flirting with me.”

“You call this flirting? It sounds like he’s telling you to go fuck yourself.”

“Or maybe he wants to fuck me himself,” Dean said with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’re disgusting. If this is your idea of flirting, I can see why he had to tell you to get lost in a card.”

“That’s your interpretation. You don’t tell someone to get lost and then get them a present.”

“You don’t know what it is yet. He could have given you a bag of dog shit.”

“Guess we’ll have to find out.”

Sam tore out the rest of the staples and pulled the bag open.

“Oh.”

He didn’t know what he had been expecting to find, but it definitely wasn’t dozens of brightly-colored gummy penises.

“What is it?”

“It’s uh….exactly what the card says. A bag of dicks.” 

“Are you serious?” Dean cackled and leaned over to peer into the bag. “Oh my god, this is incredible.”

“Hey, eyes on the road,” Sam snapped. He held the bag tightly to his chest. “You can take a closer look once we’re parked.”

With a squeal of the brakes, the car came to a stop on the side of the road. “There. We’re parked. Now gimme.” Dean held out his hands impatiently.

Sam dutifully passed the bag over.

“Oh man, this is awesome,” Dean said. He pawed through the bag. “I can’t wait to taste them.” He held a bright green dick aloft. “Thank you for this wonderful gift, Castiel. I’ll think of you while I eat every single one of these things.” He bit into the gummy and his eyes went wide. “Sammy! They’re cream-filled!”

Sam gagged. Maybe he’d walk the rest of the way home.

_________________________

Dean was in high spirits all weekend, actually making it out of bed before noon when Sam usually had to go in and check on him to make sure he wasn’t dead. And he was bursting with energy, humming to himself as he finished up his weekend chores in record time. He had baked three different pies Friday night and had eaten a ridiculous amount of gummies so part of it was probably the sugar high. The rest of it was a bunch of love-drunk silliness.

Sam rarely saw his brother this happy so he felt bad about being the voice of reason, but someone had to be.

He waited until Dean was enjoying his after dinner pie so Dean would have comfort food to cushion the blow. “I still don’t think Castiel meant you to take the whole thing this well. I’ve never heard anyone say ‘eat a bag of dicks’ and mean it as a compliment.”

“It is. Trust me, Sammy. Have you met his brother? You know, Gabriel Novak?”

Sam grimaced. “Oh god, Gabe’s his brother? Why would you want to date anyone related to that clown?”

“Because Cas is nothing like him.”

Sam leveled him with a look.

“Okay, so maybe they have a few similarities. But Cas is a good guy. He’s not an annoying jokester asshole like his brother. I’m sure it’s just a very awkward attempt to tell me he knows I like dick and he likes dick too. He’d never do anything to be hurtful on purpose.”

“Again, he beat you up at the beginning of the year.”

Dean waved a hand dismissively. “All a big misunderstanding. But hot damn can he throw a punch. Did you see how ripped he is?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yes, he looks very athletic. But there’s something a little wrong with you if you enjoyed getting punched. I’m kind of concerned you’re antagonizing Castiel on purpose.”

“Dude. If antagonizing Castiel gets me candy instead of a punch in the face, I’d consider that a win.”

Sam sighed. “So you are antagonizing him.”

“I’m just flirting with him.”

“And if he’s not interested, you’re going to piss him off.” Sam reached across the table and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Don’t worry so much, Sammy. I’ll tell him how much I enjoyed the dicks when I see him Monday and clear things up. Now are you going to quit motherhenning me or are you actually going to finish your pie?”

Sam pushed his plate across the table.

Dean beamed as he devoured the rest of Sam’s pie. 

Sam had expected the conversation to mellow Dean out a little. The possibility of getting turned down and his heart broken would give normal people pause, at least briefly. But Dean’s excitement seemed to ratchet up as Monday approached and he was uncharacteristically eager to head to school Monday morning.

Monday afternoon, Dean was late again. As the minutes ticked by, Sam got more and more nervous. What if Dean had said something really stupid and Castiel had punched him again? What if he was lying unconscious somewhere and bleeding out?

Finally, Dean showed up, almost half an hour late, right as Sam was considering heading to the office to start a search for him.

To his relief, Sam saw no black eyes or visible bruises. “So, did you clear things up with Cas?”

Dean shook his head. “I haven’t seen him today. But i left him a note in his locker.” He grinned slyly. “A little something about how sticky my fingers and mouth got from eating all those gummies. I offered him a taste.”

“Dean! Why would you write something like that?”

“You have to just go for it sometimes. This way I’ll know for sure how he feels about me because there’s no way you could misinterpret that kind of advance.”

“Right. Well, let’s go home and-” Sam swallowed as he watched a familiar, dark-haired teen push his way through the dwindling crowds of students, his eyes dark and stormy.

“Oh fuck. Run, Dean. He looks like he wants to kill you.”

“He’s a lot less scary than he looks. It’s all resting bitch face.” But Dean’s smile faltered just a little.

Castiel stormed over to them. “You!” he growled, jabbing a finger in Dean’s chest.

“Me,” Dean said with a manic grin.

“Shut up.” He slammed Dean against the wall with an audible thud.

Sam winced.

Castiel grasped Dean’s shirt by the collar and twisted it in his hands. “You are the bane of my existence. You are the single most infuriatingly, stupidly, stubbornly attractive man I’ve ever met.”

“Oh hell yes,” Dean crowed. He grabbed the collar of Castiel’ coat and yanked him into a searing kiss.

Sam blinked. “I stand corrected.”

The kiss looked a little violent, but from the way Dean clutched at Castiel’s shoulders, he didn’t mind at all. Well, everyone had their own tastes Sam supposed. He was happy that the two of them somehow made it work.

“Give me the keys. I’m going home.” He wasn’t about to stand around and wait while the two idiots made up for lost time.

Dean somehow managed to tear himself away from Castiel’s mouth for a moment. “What? No. I’m not letting you take Baby. Then how am I supposed to get home?”

Castiel’s expression went soft. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“On your dick?” Dean asked hopefully.

Castiel frowned. “That won’t get your home anytime tonight.”

“Fine by me,” Dean said with a grin. “Hey, Sammy, you wanna tell Dad I’m going to be late? Something about getting some personal tutoring.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You owe me big time, jerk.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Not like I didn’t bake you pies this weekend.” Dean brightened. “You do like pie, don’t you, Cas?”

“I do. I prefer cherry.”

“Hell yeah. Man after my own heart. It’s a shame I’ve had sex before so you can’t pop my cherry, but there’s plenty of things I haven’t tried yet and I want to try them all with you.”

Sam wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. Would you just give me the damn keys? I don’t want to hear any of this.”

“I confess I haven’t gone quite that far in most of my relationships,” Castiel said. “But I am also eager to explore everything with you.”

“Damn. You’re certainly forward for someone with no sexual experience.”

Castiel shrugged. “You were avoiding me last week. I feared you had misread my awkward attempts to flirt and had given up. Gabriel convinced me to try something dramatic to recapture your attention.”

“So when you told me to eat a dick….”

“I would prefer it be mine,” Castiel said with a nod.

“I am so down for that, dude. I can’t wait to taste you.”

Sam snapped his fingers in front of Dean’s face. “Keys. Now.”

“Alright, Jesus.” Dean fished in his pockets and pulled out his keys. “Happy now, bitch?”

“Very.” Sam took a moment to look at them, with their flushed cheeks and stupid grins. He was happy to see them happy. “Okay, you two have fun and be safe. I don’t want to hear any details tomorrow.”

From the mischievous look on Dean’s face, Sam was sure Dean was going to disgust him with a very explicitly detailed play by play in the morning.

But it would be worth it. Dean deserved someone who made him happy.


End file.
